I've always loved babies, since the day I had my first baby doll. Loved to rock them and feed them and be the mommy. As I grew older dolls faded out and were replaced by real babies. Cousins and friends and soon neighbors. I loved babysitting. I always thought, (still do) I want babies of my own! I thought this mom thing is easy you feed them and they sleep. Then you change a diaper or two and they sleep some more. But they don't. Some babies, like my sweet boy, fight sleep for some unknown reason. They need to be rocked and rocked and rocked and held and driven in the car and then they sleep. Bubbas likes to be held while he sleeps. Week one, not a problem. Weeks two thru five; problem. Now that my body is healing faster and I'm starting to feel normal (ish) I want to be doing my thing. Gardening, riding my horses, cleaning house, cooking dinner every day. These are things that don't happen, not without help. Earlier I talked about postpartum blues, ok lets face it, depression. The hardest part was admitting that I needed more help than just my husband. Husbands are great, mine might be the best, but they go to work all day and have to sleep so they can be productive at work. Coming home to a crying baby, and some days momma, isn't their dream. I know my husband loves to come home to a clean home, smiling wife, and usually some form of food. When the blues hit and things stop functioning he has to pick up the slack, or does he? There is someone else that can help. A friend, neighbor, sister in law, mom, and in my case, my mother in law. I'm fortunate to have my mom here in town with me, but she works a 45 hour week. She's good for telling me it will be ok but she isn't able to come rock the not sleeping baby while I shower and put on clean clothes. My mother in law lives 2 hours away, and she doesn't work for a living. Not that she does nothing, she's a housewife, and in my mind just as important and should be taken as a real job. Luckily her job allows her to come visit, scratch that, save me, during the week while my husband works. I melted down Monday to my husband saying over and over I can't do this alone I need help. Finally he got the hint and said I'll call my mom and see if she can come over. The next morning I had help and order was soon restored. I didn't want to admit it, out loud that I wanted someone to help or that I truly needed it. You know what though, I didn't have to do it alone or tough it out. For some reason I always think I should. So here's my list of things I need to do:
Admit that I'm not Wonder Woman. Sure I can do a lot, but I can't do it all.
Ask for help. And often. It's ok to ask and usually people want to help.
Let go of perfection. So the house is a little messy, or we're having peanut butter and jelly for dinner, again, the baby is healthy and loved.
Try again tomorrow. That's the beauty of tomorrow there is always another. Sure one day there won't but today, I'm counting on tomorrow.
Take care of me. I have to be functioning to take care of my baby boy. He can't do it without me and I can't do it without me.
So I asked for help, and you know what? It's ok. Granny loves being here. She gets to play with her grand baby. She loves it. And order is restored. Life goes on. And in a few weeks I'll need help again. And it's ok.
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