It's ok to ask for help

Babies are sweet, and wonderful, and tiring, and pure joy, and exhausting. They are so much in such a tiny fragile package.

 I've always loved babies, since the day I had my first baby doll. Loved to rock them and feed them and be the mommy. As I grew older dolls faded out and were replaced by real babies. Cousins and friends and soon neighbors. I loved babysitting. I always thought, (still do) I want babies of my own! I thought this mom thing is easy you feed them and they sleep. Then you change a diaper or two and they sleep some more. But they don't. Some babies, like my sweet boy, fight sleep for some unknown reason. They need to be rocked and rocked and rocked and held and driven in the car and then they sleep. Bubbas likes to be held while he sleeps. Week one, not a problem. Weeks two thru five; problem. Now that my body is healing faster and I'm starting to feel normal (ish) I want to be doing my thing. Gardening, riding my horses, cleaning house, cooking dinner every day. These are things that don't happen, not without help. Earlier I talked about postpartum blues, ok lets face it, depression. The hardest part was admitting that I needed more help than just my husband. Husbands are great, mine might be the best, but they go to work all day and have to sleep so they can be productive at work. Coming home to a crying baby, and some days momma, isn't their dream. I know my husband loves to come home to a clean home, smiling wife, and usually some form of food. When the blues hit and things stop functioning he has to pick up the slack, or does he? There is someone else that can help. A friend, neighbor, sister in law, mom, and in my case, my mother in law. I'm fortunate to have my mom here in town with me, but she works a 45 hour week. She's good for telling me it will be ok but she isn't able to come rock the not sleeping baby while I shower and put on clean clothes. My mother in law lives 2 hours away, and she doesn't work for a living. Not that she does nothing, she's a housewife, and in my mind just as important and should be taken as a real job. Luckily her job allows her to come visit, scratch that, save me, during the week while my husband works. I melted down Monday to my husband saying over and over I can't do this alone I need help. Finally he got the hint and said I'll call my mom and see if she can come over. The next morning I had help and order was soon restored. I didn't want to admit it, out loud that I wanted someone to help or that I truly needed it. You know what though, I didn't have to do it alone or tough it out. For some reason I always think I should. So here's my list of things I need to do:

Admit that I'm not Wonder Woman. Sure I can do a lot, but I can't do it all. 

Ask for help. And often. It's ok to ask and usually people want to help. 

Let go of perfection. So the house is a little messy, or we're having peanut butter and jelly for dinner, again, the baby is healthy and loved.

Try again tomorrow. That's the beauty of tomorrow there is always another. Sure one day there won't but today, I'm counting on tomorrow. 

Take care of me. I have to be functioning to take care of my baby boy. He can't do it without me and I can't do it without me. 

So I asked for help, and you know what? It's ok. Granny loves being here. She gets to play with her grand baby. She loves it. And order is restored. Life goes on. And in a few weeks I'll need help again. And it's ok.

Make your bed

I thrive in a clean well organized home. My mind is less cluttered and chaotic when my environment is organized and clean. I have found lately that to battle my depression I must start with a clean home. I found this blog post about why she keep her home clean and it just makes sense. http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2012/02/15/why-i-make-my-bed-10-reasons-i-keep-my-house-clean/

Not only does keeping my house clean help but keeping me clean helps as well. No matter how awful the day is, if I'm showered and dressed, when I walk past a mirror I don't cringe in disgust and I at least know I look ok. I also make sure I eat healthy, much harder than expected. I lack an appetite currently and just want junk food. Not a pleasant combination. Anyway that's not what this post is about. This is about making your bed.

Keeping a clean home makes everyone happy. Things are easy to find, children play better when they can find there toys and aren't overwhelmed with a zillion toys and junk scattered all over the room, clothes stay nice because they are in laundry baskets and not scattered on the floor getting walked on, and lets face it it looks better. I don't have to worry about being embarrassed by a messy home and so I'm more inclined to invite friends over. Here are a few things I do to keep the house clean. 

1. Make the bed. Even if the rest of the room is trashed this helps create a balanced center and makes it look a little nicer.

2. Keep the counter clean. Dishwashers are a fabulous invention. Not only do the wash your dishes for you but they can hold all the dirty dishes out of sight and keep the kitchen looking clean. And run it every night and empty it in the morning.

3. Clean the sink. Water spots look dirty. At night I wipe down the sink with Clorox wipes and during the day I keep a clean towel handy to wipe out the water and keep the sink sparkly as long as possible.

4. Spot sweep daily. We live in the desert. It is made of dirt and sand. It gets everywhere. I do a quick sweep once a day and weekly I do a more thorough sweep and mop.

5. Have the kids pick up their own messes. Even a one year old and pick up their toys. They got them out right? Usually right before snacks and meals we pick up toys and then again before bed. I also have them make their beds and put clothes in the laundry. 

6. Expect set backs and bad days. Sometimes at the end of a particularly rough day the dishes haven't been washed and some toys are still out. Life happens. Do a real quick clean and call it a night. Don't go to bed with a completely chaotic house, you'll thank me in the morning. But don't spend more than 15 minutes cleaning. Lets face it you're exhausted and want to collapse in bed, so be quick and hide in bed with a bowl of ice cream if you need it. 

7. Invest in Clorox wipes. Or whatever brand you prefer. I use them for everything. I wipe down counters, chairs, toys, the floor around the toilet, even water spots on the mirrors and sinks. 

8. One load at a time everyday. Of laundry that is. From start to finish. Don't start another until you've folded and put away the first. This way clothes don't get moldy sitting in the wash all day because everyone had meltdowns and forgot and they don't sit in the dryer getting wrinkled.

9. Vacuum weekly. Or twice or three times. The point is, don't let the floor get gross. If its starting to look dirty whip out the vacuum. Get the kids involved and make it a game, we all were chased by the vacuum and loved it. We also sat on the couch with our feet in the air while the vacuum ran underneath. If the kids are big enough have them vacuum. They love to be helpful. 

10. Clean the bathroom daily. After everyone is ready, take your trusty Clorox wipes and a rag and clean the bathroom. Wipe down the sink with your rag, it will now be slightly damp, use it to get rid of any sloppy toothpaste marks, the fold the toothpaste inside and wipe up the floor. If you have girls you know why, hair gets everywhere. Use the Clorox wipes to wipe off the mirror and countertop. Then another to wipe up the toilet and the floor around it, boys aim isn't never amazing. Even grown boys miss. Spray down the shower with your choice of cleaner. Swish out the toilet with a brush and pat yourself on the back. It's clean and company ready. Once or twice a month I do a more thorough clean and wash rugs  and mop. 

Now I'm not perfect. I have a newborn. Crap happens and sometimes I need a little help from the relief squad, aka the hubby. Sometimes I don't get the house completely clean but it tends to stay a 5 minute quick clean away from company ready, most days. As long as you are consistent you can make it work for you and housework doesn't have to be a chore. Climbing into a nicely made bed is relaxing and we all know we need a good nights rest. So, if all else fails, at least make the bed.

What are your tricks to a clean home?

I fall in love all over again and then I cry

5 days late the second love of my life arrived. Labor was long and stressful and my birth plan of all natural and drug free was thrown out the window on day 2. I took the drugs and am so thankful I did. After the epidural I was able to sleep and relax. The pitocin I had to have to progress my contractions still saddens me but my son arrived healthy and safely April 23rd at 3:07 pm. He weighed in at 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20 inches long. He is perfect and has saved me. I miss being pregnant but when I hold my beautiful baby I forget that. Most days. Sometimes he's a little cranky, but then it passes and he smiles at me and pats my neck while he eats and once again all is well.
I was warned about the dangers of postpartum depression and I laughed at the thought. That won't happen to me. Ha! It seems to jump out and  bite when least expected. A little background, Hubby and I started the process to become foster parents when it seemed like adoption wasn't working out and pregnancy would never happen. Well, we signed up for classes and lo and behold guess who ends  up pregnant? We decided to go for it and get our license. We went through the classes and I struggled through a very sick and uncomfortable pregnancy and finally we finished. We received our license just a week after the little man made his appearance. We took in a respite care right away. Respite is essentially baby sitting a child in the system. It worked out fine, she was sweet and the weekend went off without a hitch. I decided to give it a few weeks before taking a placement, so I asked for our file to be put on hold. In theory being put on hold should stop the phone calls asking to place a child. The first 5 phone calls I was able to say no, we're not ready. Then I received another call and was starting to feel a little bullied and so I finally said yes. We took a placement. 3 days later I had to call and have him transferred out. My depression had hit me square between the eyes. I couldn't function to take care of the boys. My world came crashing down. It was awful. The worst part about the decision to disrupt our placement isn't the sadness of the foster child's situation or even my struggle to survive but the look of sadness upon my husbands face when I made the call. He is so sweet natured and loves so purely that watching him grieve the loss of our first placement almost makes me want to say never mind, I can deal. And then I remember that if I lose me I can't take care of anyone else. If you ever want to feel like a complete and total failure, disappoint your husband and let the depression wash over you. Man oh man it's ugly.
I'm still struggling to pull myself together. I still start each day not wanting to function but I remember that my son is depending on me. I go back to my ob this week so maybe he can suggest something to help me out of this black hole.
Have you ever suffered from postpartum depression or baby blues? What did you do to get over it? I need all the help I can get right now.