I fall in love all over again and then I cry

5 days late the second love of my life arrived. Labor was long and stressful and my birth plan of all natural and drug free was thrown out the window on day 2. I took the drugs and am so thankful I did. After the epidural I was able to sleep and relax. The pitocin I had to have to progress my contractions still saddens me but my son arrived healthy and safely April 23rd at 3:07 pm. He weighed in at 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20 inches long. He is perfect and has saved me. I miss being pregnant but when I hold my beautiful baby I forget that. Most days. Sometimes he's a little cranky, but then it passes and he smiles at me and pats my neck while he eats and once again all is well.
I was warned about the dangers of postpartum depression and I laughed at the thought. That won't happen to me. Ha! It seems to jump out and  bite when least expected. A little background, Hubby and I started the process to become foster parents when it seemed like adoption wasn't working out and pregnancy would never happen. Well, we signed up for classes and lo and behold guess who ends  up pregnant? We decided to go for it and get our license. We went through the classes and I struggled through a very sick and uncomfortable pregnancy and finally we finished. We received our license just a week after the little man made his appearance. We took in a respite care right away. Respite is essentially baby sitting a child in the system. It worked out fine, she was sweet and the weekend went off without a hitch. I decided to give it a few weeks before taking a placement, so I asked for our file to be put on hold. In theory being put on hold should stop the phone calls asking to place a child. The first 5 phone calls I was able to say no, we're not ready. Then I received another call and was starting to feel a little bullied and so I finally said yes. We took a placement. 3 days later I had to call and have him transferred out. My depression had hit me square between the eyes. I couldn't function to take care of the boys. My world came crashing down. It was awful. The worst part about the decision to disrupt our placement isn't the sadness of the foster child's situation or even my struggle to survive but the look of sadness upon my husbands face when I made the call. He is so sweet natured and loves so purely that watching him grieve the loss of our first placement almost makes me want to say never mind, I can deal. And then I remember that if I lose me I can't take care of anyone else. If you ever want to feel like a complete and total failure, disappoint your husband and let the depression wash over you. Man oh man it's ugly.
I'm still struggling to pull myself together. I still start each day not wanting to function but I remember that my son is depending on me. I go back to my ob this week so maybe he can suggest something to help me out of this black hole.
Have you ever suffered from postpartum depression or baby blues? What did you do to get over it? I need all the help I can get right now.